new
archives
faq
links
contact
facebook
X
ISSUE NO. 654
X
X
Hello film fans! It's time for another episode of your new favorite Dial B for BLOG series, "Deadman Goes To The Movies." I'm your host, DEADMAN! Today's movie is TRANSFORMERS 3: DARK OF THE MOON. In case you haven't seen it, here's a 15-second sampling of the ear-splitting carnage...
Because of this movie's constant explosions and overpowering soundtrack, many people who see it become partially deaf. Even the still frames are loud...
X
As the alien transforming robots wreck each other, and everything in sight, its like a war zone inside a movie. Especially in the film's final hour, there's just no let-up from the constant, ear-splitting NOISE! It just goes on and on and on...
X
This movie, like all the films in the TRANSFORMERS series, stars Shia Labeouf. In this installment of the franchise, he yells a lot, and runs away from exploding stuff a lot. Run, Shia, run!
X
My question is this -- what's up with this Shia Labeouf kid? Why does he have to be in every movie? His name annoys me. HE annoys me. In fact, he annoys me so much, I just recently decided to take possession of his consciousness (I can do that), so I could make him humiliate himself in public...
X
While I was in control of Shia's body, I put a bag over his head that said, "I AM NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE," then appeared in front of a whole bunch of photographers that way, wearing a tux no less. It was a riot! To this day, I'm not sure Shia realizes it was his body under that bag. What a tool.
X

Anyway -- back to the movie. I've always found it funny that so many people think TRANSFORMERS 3 is one of the LOUDEST things they ever heard. You know why?

Because I once screamed 100 times louder than that entire movie -- all by myself!

In fact, I hereby claim the single LOUDEST word balloon in the whole history of comic books. It shattered windows for 500 miles around.

People called the cops saying a talking bomb had exploded, and the entire population of three whole neighborhoods was partially deafened for six weeks! It was unreal!

OK, you want to hear it, right?

Well, you asked for it!

Here's what it sounded like

(HOLD YOUR EARS!)......

X
I'm screaming in the shot BELOW too, but you can't hear me because you've been deafened by my previous outburst. With love and AAARRGH, DEADMAN!
X
X
X
X

X