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dialbforblogONE TO THOR YOU
THOR MINI-COMIC

In ye olden days, kids used to save their dimes and nickels to buy candy and toys contained in small plastic capsules, and sold in vending machines like the one pictured over on the right.

In 1966, Marvel decided to produce a line of "mini-comics" designed to fit INTO these vending capsules. Six books were produced, each no bigger than a quarter: The Incredible Hulk, Captain America, Sgt. Nick Fury, The Amazing Spider-Man, Millie the Model, and The Mighty Thor (all pictured above).

This issue, we present the ENTIRE Thor mini-comic! It's not much of a read, but it's still a fun trip down the Silver Age's memory lane. And as a special
BONUS, Robby reviews the Thor movie!
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Robby reviews "THOR" the movie

Sadly, "Thor" the movie is no fun at all. It's boring, dreary, and shockingly unexciting. The whole thing is dark and colorless, and except for Thor (Chris Hemsworth), who has a few brief dialbforblogmoments of fun, almost everyone in the movie is always sad, depressed, or deeply upset.

Overall, the movie feels cheap, and director Kenneth Branagh appears to be deeply embarrassed of comic book Thor. I bet he thinks comics books are trash for idiots. What other explanation can there possibly BE for NEVER showing the real Thor?

Yes, impossible as it seems, we NEVER see Thor in "full uniform," with helmet on head and and hammer in hand, from the front. See that photo from the movie above, with Thor raising his hammer above his head? Wouldn't you like to have seen this same shot from the FRONT, so we can see Thor's face? Too bad. No such shot in THIS movie. The helmet is apparently been deemed too comic-bookish (aka embarrassing).

The plot is simplistic. It's like the plot of a cartoon. It's not much better than the plot of the Thor mini-comic posted above. In fact, take out the one-eyed giant and put in The Destroyer, and it's almost identical! How sad it THAT?

Most of the special effects in Thor are really terrible. They're TV-level, only not as good. When Thor flies, it looks like the terrible CGI flying figure with a red cape seen in the awful last episode of "Smallville." Either that, or it looks like someone threw a Thor doll up in the air. Yes, it's that bad. Who knows why.

And it gets worse -- the Rainbow Bridge looks like some kind of flattened disco ball, full of pulsating colored lights. The machine that transports everyone to earth is completely out of place. It looks and acts like one of those sputtering spaceships with a sparkler shoved up its dialbforblogbutt from the Flash Gordon serials in the 1930s. For real! It looks like a big bronze salad spinner, and matches nothing else in Asgard, or the rest of the movie. I should also mention that Thor's hammer looks like a painted shoe box, and is never used to summon lightning. What the hell?!?!

The fight scenes remind me of "The Bourne Identity," where they attempt to compensate for the fact that Matt Damon is a wimp by having him beat up everybody ultra-fast, using quick-as-lighting edits so you (hopefully) won't notice how impossible it is. Thor's fights with the Frost Giants, and later with the Destroyer, are just as terrible. You just can't tell what's going on. Basically, we never get a really good look at ANYTHING in this movie.

Bad as the special effects are overall, the appearance of Asgard is even worse. It looks like a bunch of long glass tubes. Jack Kirby? Never heard of him! Why copy HIS Asgard when we can just use a bunch of g lass tubes? Kirby's Asgard was a continuing delight, full of magnificent structures and epic vistas. Movie Asgard is in NO sense awesome. Oh, the producers definitely THINK lots of stuff is, but it's not. A bunch of glass tubes is not awesome. Snarling stop-action monsters out of "Jason and the Argonauts" are not awesome. Even a 30-second cameo by Hawkeye is not awesome, since he does absolutely nothing awesome, and actually does nothing at all.

Sadly, NOTHING in the movie is awesome. It has no surprises, and NO humor whatsoever. Every character is grim and depressed (except maybe Natalie Portman). The "plot" is 1000 dialbforblogpercent predictable,and you can see everything coming a hundred miles away. For some bizarre reason, in plotting the movie, the producers felt the need to mix Christianity with Norse mythology, and tried to make Thor into Jesus. Well, he's got the hair and beard at least. And his "sacrifice" pleases his father, God -- I mean Odin -- enough so he "resurrects" Thor. But is this really a good way to approach Norse mythology? Why not just let Thor be Thor? Why does he have to be Jesus? WHY?

Worst of all is the movie's nonexistent money shot. It SHOULD have come when Thor triumphantly reclaims his hammer, and is transformed from raggedy-humanish Thor to Thunder God Thor. Except we don't see the transformation AT ALL. Instead, Branaugh shows random glimpses of the hammer, Thor's punching fist, etc. Where is my money shot of Thor tensing for battle, helmet on head, hammer in hand? It's nowhere, there's where! Too "stupid looking," I suppose. Thanks for nothing, Kenneth Branaugh.

SPOILER ALERT: The now-traditional "after the credits" shocking reveal/teaser scene is also a huge bust. We dialbforblogfind out Loki is still alive, and he sees a briefcase full of scientific crap that is supposed to be the Cosmic Cube (I think). Or, if you've never read the comics, it's just a briefcase full of meaningless scientific crap. Even worse. Wow, letdown of the century. Still, the movie is a huge success financially, so what do I know.

Bottom line: Thor the movie is dreary, ponderous, devoid of humor, and totally unimaginative. It comes off like a boring teaser for the Avengers movie. At least that's the opinion of Robby Reed, creator of this web site and author of this review.
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The original promo (below, left) used to create the DBB ad (below, right).
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