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EVIL Robby Reed is furious because the Doctor Evil that came with Captain Action has repeatedly been called "The most EVIL character ever!" Now, EVIL Robby strikes back! Evil Robby challenges Doctor Evil to a winner take all...
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THE BATTLE BEGINS!
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OK Evil Robby, here we go! Let's get this EVIL smackdown started with some EVIL comic book covers! There's The Shadow #1, who knows what EVIL lurks in the hearts of men... and by the way, that's the first Archie Comics version of the Shadow, and believe me, that is plenty EVIL, in and of itself!

Next there's Anthro #3, who knows what EVIL lurks outside... between him and the Shadow, they pretty much know exactly what kind of EVIL is lurking, and exactly WHERE is it lurking. It's like they have a "Lurking Evil" radar sense, like Daredevil!

And then there's the cover of Captain Action #3, featuring one of my fondest memories -- the time Captain Action thought that I, Doctor Evil, had killed his son, Action Boy. He stood in the rain and yelled a VOW that he'd bring me to justice. Hahahahahaha! Classic! Of course, the kid wasn't really DEAD. Damn it. Can you beat THAT, Evil Robby?
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Easily. Ha! Evil Robby Reed here. You call THAT boatload of fucking crapola EVIL?! That's not EVIL. I'LL show you EVIL! Look at THIS lovely little collection of covers. First, in Web of EVIL, there's a man laughing his head off as he gets electrocuted. Evil! Right there in the title! Then there's Atlas' Comics Tales of EVIL. A werewolf murdering a man as his girlfriend watches in horror. Evil! Finally, there's Vault of EVIL, with a big fat DEVIL right there on the cover. Electrocution -- murder -- devils -- now that's evil. Can you beat THAT, you blue-skinned, bug-eyed fuck bag? Bet you can't!

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I can! Because, you know what's really EVIL? More EVIL even than seeing the word EVIL on a comic book cover? Censorship is evil! SELF-censorship is even MORE evil! Take a look at the cover of Batman Annual #3, shown below. DC printed the grotesque true visage of Harvey Dent aka Two-Face on the inside of the book, but on the annual's front cover, it looks as if old Harv has had a bit of a makeover! That's censorship, and that's evil!

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Oooooo -- DC censored Two-Face about a hundred years ago. Well shit my pants. (Yawn.) You wanna talk censorship, Doc? Well here's something EVIL that SHOULD have been censored -- DC's new Batwoman! She made her big-titted debut recently in DC's weekly "52" comic book. A recent New York Times article called the new Batwoman a "buxom, lipstick lesbian." How nice! How seemingly politically correct, to have at least one lesbian on staff! But what the Times called Batman a "well-endowed hetero man with a large penis who likes women"?? Ooooo, the outrage. That would be EVIL! Wrong! And so is this blatant attempt by DC to garner publicity by exploiting sexuality, and trying to dress up this marketing gimmick as an equal rights crusade. Evil!

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Oh, you want to talk about Bat-things? Bat-things that SHOULD have been censored? Well here's the prize-winner... the single most embarrassing panel ever printed in any comic since the beginning of time. This one, "written" by the once-great Frank Miller (and beautifully drawn by Jim Lee) has Batman uttering what will surely go down in comic history as THE stupidest thing ever said by any major superhero. It's SO embarrassing -- it's downright... EVIL!!

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Big fucking deal! Yes, that panel was insanely stupid. Yes, Frank Miller should hang his head in shame for writing such lame idiocy. But evil? It's just stupid and embarrassing shit. Sorry Doc, it's just not all that evil!

How about THIS whopper -- a mistake made on the cover of "Marvel Two-In-One," a team-up book paring the Thing with different Marvel characters. The first issue, shown below, featured the Thing and the Man-Thing in... Marvel Two-ON-One?!?!?? A threesome -- with these two freaks? Now THAT would be evil!

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DR. FREDRIC WERTHAM SAYS:

"Marvel Two-On-One is causing the downfall of Western civilization! It must be burned immediately before ordinary people start attempting to have threesomes with walking orange brick piles and stinking muck monsters! Obscene cover blurbs can DO that to a society, you know."

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"Dear Dr. Fredric Wertham... You're a moron. You know nothing about comics, or anything else. Shut the FUCK up, and please go kill yourself as soon as possible. And I don't CARE if you're already dead -- come back to life, and kill yourself again, just so I can watch. And I will enjoy it! Love, Evil Robby Reed."

OK, now I have something to say that's REALLY evil. Ready? Here I go: Big shot fucking genius comic book writer Alan Moore... have you seen this man recently? Well guess what -- Alan Moore looks like a weird, homeless bag man! You don't believe me? OK dipshit -- take a look for yourself...
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Oh, it is time to reveal what people really look like? Well try THIS on for size... you know the Flaming Carrot? The Flaming Carrot has long been said to have "gone insane after reading 5,000 comic books in a single sitting." It's also been hinted at that before losing his mind, the Carrot was a celebrity -- but it's never been revealed which celebrity.
Well, I know what his secret identity is, and even though it's EVIL, I'm going to tell EVERYONE right now! The Flaming Carrot is really the late lead singer of rock group The Doors. How is this possible? I don't know. Why Morrison? Sorry. but I have no idea. I do know, however, that as I said, the Flaming Carrot is really rock star JIM MORRISON!

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.OK, so you revealed that secret. That was evil. Doctor Evil... you're sooooo fucking evil. The thing is -- I'm much MORE evil! MUCH more! You want EVIL? Here's EVIL -- an old comic book ad for an Aurora model that's a snap-together torture chamber, complete with red hot irons for you to poke your victims! I loved these models. I bought them ALL before they were taken off the market due to complaints from just about everyone.
Who couldn't love these delightfully EVIL playthings. Frankenstein! Model torture chambers! A girl victim! Hey wait -- a girl victim? Where the hell did this girl victim come from? It seems Frankenstein and Vampirella abducted her from the streets of New York. Haha! Excellent! She screamed and screamed for help, but no one helped her. Why? Here's why...

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Girl victims? Torture chambers? You think that's EVIL??
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What about the ultimate evil -- blasphemy! Take a look at the blasphemous comic book scene pictured below, drawn by the incomparable Neal Adams! Despite its outrageous view of the Pope and the Christian church, and its scandalous and blasphemous depiction of Jesus Christ himself, I enjoyed it! It amused me! I thought it was well-drawn, and quite funny! Also EVIL! BUT I LIKED IT!!!
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."You total ass-wipe! That wasn't even printed in a comic book -- it's from National Lampoon Magazine #22. You want some good old blasphemy in an actual real comic book? How about THIS dozy -- it's the most fucking blasphemous thing ever printed in any comic book, ever!
It's a faked Golden Age cover of God Comics, showing Jesus crucified by Hitler, but saved by... God! Created by the Savage Dragon's Eric Larsen, in ran as a centerfold in Savage Dragon #31. Outrageous? Blasphemous? EVIL? Yes! But still, I LIKE IT! I think it's technically very well-done, and the idea is at best pretty funny, and at worst intriguing. Do you hear me world? I like it! Do you hear me POPE? High and mighty POPE? I like it! I like it! I LIKE IT! I, Evil Robby Reed -- evil persona of Robby Reed, creator of this web blog and sponsor of this EVIL contest -- LIKE IT!!!!!"
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SUDDENLY,
THE POPE BURSTS INTO THE ROOM!
AND...


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LATER THAT DAY, ROBIN GETS THE NEWS...
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NATIONAL DAY OF MOURNING...
EVIL ROBBY REED DEAD!
EVEN DOCTOR EVIL'S EVIL EYE SHEDS A TEAR!
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REST IN PEACE...


EVIL ROBBY REED

MARCH 3, 2005 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2006


"Evil Robby, we hardly knew ye."



NEXT ON DIAL B for BLOG

The SAGA of REED and SUE'S BABY!


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