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This review, like all my reviews, assumes you have READ the comic! It's FULL of spoilers!
In fact, there's practically a spoiler in every sentence. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Proceed at your own risk as...
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.Infinite Crisis #6
Written by Geoff Johns
Pencils by Phil Jiminez, Jerry Ordway, George Perez, Ivan Reis
Inks by Andy Lanning, Jerry Ordway, Ivan Reis, Oclair Albert, Marc Campos, Drew Geraci, Sean Parsons, Norm Rapmund, Art Thibert


RECAP:
This series has been wildly inconsistent from the very beginning. Now, as it winds down towards its conclusion, it is becoming so mind-numbingly idiotic that I could almost feel the intelligence being sucked out of me as I read it.

What crap! What shit! What utterly revolting stupidity on a level never before achieved in the entire history of humanity! And that was just the first page.

As we begin, the creators of this space oddity want to make one thing clear: The appearance of exploding multiple earths is not only NO cause for alarm, it's so commonplace as to be totally boring. Yawn inducing, even. Cause only to stand around, watch, and vaguely wonder what's going on for a passing moment.

You don't believe me? Well fuck, here's the opening sequence, showing the exploding multiple earths. Green Lantern is so totally unimpressed, he's actually thinking of baseball. Is this supposed to be witty? It comes off as so lame it totally negates what little tension has been built up thus far.
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I mean, if these weird-looking dipshits -- finished by no less than NINE inkers this time -- can find the time to talk baseball as billions of multiple earths explode around them, obviously the problem is not all that serious, even if "the new season starts next week" -- or would have, if the book wasn't late.

But hey, we have to forgive the lateness of the turgid assemblage of dramatized advertisements known as "Infinite Crisis." I mean, after all, this book was a last-minute project, wasn't it? Its continuing appearance comes as a monthly shock to DC, who just cannot understand why this annoying little book needs to be inked! That's the only explanation I can see why DC's entire line has books inked by usually two people AT MOST, and this book, supposedly a huge landmark that will "change things forever" (more on that later) had, as I said, NINE inkers.

The "story" proceeds with several pages of OMAC attacks, representing about the twenty billionth time that a zillion OMAC's have filled the sky ominously, only to do... nothing. I'll spare you what it looked like. If you really want to know, see any DC comic of previous months. Go look in any OMAC tie-in. Every OMAC tie-in has a scene with a zillion OMACs filling the sky ominously, only to do... nothing.

Next, we're treated to this vomit-inducing admission from the original Superman, referring to his psychotic and murderous actions in previous issues:
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What would this panel say if this story had the slightest drop of consistency or intelligence? Well, probably something like THIS:
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The next ad for an upcoming DC series part of the story has DC's mystic heroes summoning the Spectre. His appearance simply REEKS of promotion:
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.Moving right along (in the same way a cop asks gawkers to move along after a horrible crime has been committed), we come to yet another rendition of Bulldyke Girl, oops I mean Power Girl.

Take a look at that face! That figure! Why, it's almost... human! Well, if you took the Hulk's thighs, and attached two basketballs to Superman's upper body, and put a super-lesbianized version of Sharon Stone's head on top, that is. .

And I do NOT mean the young and sexy Sharon Stone of the hit movie "Basic Instinct" -- I mean the old and scary Sharon Stone of the uber-flop movie "Basic Instinct 2" (pictured left).
And, since no issue of Infinite Crisis would be complete without some laughable "Friday The 13th" style gore and violence, here's Black Adam poking the Psycho Pirate's eyeballs through one side of his head and out the other! Hey honey -- call the kids! It's eyeball-popping fun for the whole family!
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The story nears its finish as ... well, remember all those multiple exploding earths and that huge tuning fork with all the superheroes attached to it? Well, thanks to Superboy (who no longer owns himself, legally speaking), .the entire mess explodes, and it looks like the result is the end of our beloved multiverse, and the reconstitution of something called "New Earth." The messy explosion scene is shown left.

To me, Evil Robby Reed, the creator of this blog and author of this review, it looks like a shot of one of those new Comet disposable toilet scrubbers busting loose an especially clingy piece of shit from a very large and stinky cosmic toilet.

Everybody wanted the multiverse to return. I can't think of a single person who was against it. Bringing back the multiverse would have please the fans mightily. DC hinted at doing just that for months on end -- but now they seem to be doing exactly the opposite.

I'm not going to go into full rant mode on this plot point until the series ends, but if everything is fucking "reset" back to the way it was before this story began, I promise to pour fourth never before seen amounts of scorn and hatred in my review of the final issue of Infinite Crisis. Anyway, I'm getting bored even reviewing this wretched piece of birdcage liner, so let's get to the end.
.Remember when Barry Allen Flash gave his life to save the universe in the original "Crisis on Infinite Earths" series? Remember how that meant something? Remember how Barry is still dead, even today?

Well now you can forget all that. It's been superseded by a new sacrifice: Superboy. Yes reader, Superboy, Conner Kent, he of the recent legal woes, is now gone. Everyone seems sad. But wait -- wasn't Superboy-Prime killed last issue? And haven't half of these heroes themselves been killed at some point or another? He'll be back, the courts permitting.

And anyway, didn't this story actually begin with Green Lantern ignoring the cataclysmic explosion of countless billions of worlds .to look forward to the start of baseball season? So how bad could it BE?

Staples advertises their "EASY BUTTON." Given DC's heavy and continuing reliance on the "COSMIC RESET BUTTON" to explain sloppy planning, poor editorial coordination and absurdly weak storylines, maybe DC should consider trying a leveraged buyout of Staples. Then they could kill off their entire line, and star office supplies in their comic books. Brave and Bold starring Pencil and Blotter! Special appearance by Scotch Tape! And DC wouldn't even have to relabel the button. After all, as a plot device, aren't an EASY BUTTON and a COSMIC RESET BUTTON the same thing?

See you in a month for the big finale, you stupid fucking moron of a reader! Evil Robby Reed out!

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