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Rann drops "CONTINUITY BOMB" on Thanagar!

Despite Hawkman's attempts to prevent it, Rann has unleashed its new super-weapon, the CONTINUITY BOMB, on Thanagar. The bomb, which exposes the flaws in a character's continuity, quickly devastated Hawkman and every continuity-challenged Thanagarian, calling into question the planet Thanagar's true nature. As the posts below will make clear, it is now nearly impossible for Thanagar to win the war against Rann for one very simple reason: the entire planet may not even exist!


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Hawkman's Real, True "Secret Origin"

Hawkman was created in 1940 by Sheldon Moldoff, debuting in Flash Comics #1 (left). Moldoff's inspiration: The race of bird-people originally found in Alex Raymond's "Flash Gordon" comic strip! Blonde spaceman Adam Strange is sometimes accused of being a rip-off of blonde spaceman "Flash Gordon." The truth is that the two characters are similar -- but they are far from identical. Flash Gordon had no jet pack, no Zeta Beam, and was NOT known as the "thinking man's superhero." Adam Strange had no spaceship powered by sparklers, no Ming the Merciless, and was NOT a former Olympic swimmer.

Now take a look at the hawk-people in "Flash Gordon" (pictured). .With their large gray wings, red underwear and green boots, they're almost an exact match for Hawkman's original uniform. Just switch the underwear and boot colors, and bam! Instant Hawk-uniform! So that's Hawkman's REAL origin: He's a direct rip-off from Flash Gordon. But so what? Aren't lots of superheroes rip-offs of other heroes? Yes! But "lots of other heroes" aren't at war with Rann! Thanagar IS, so it's THEIR failings that must be pointed out.

Speaking of Thanagar, in the original Hawkman's reality, THERE WAS NO THANAGAR! That's right, the planet simply did not exist. This Hawkman was not an alien, but a native Earthman who was said to be the reincarnation of an Ancient Egyptian prince. The planet Thanagar was added to the character's continuity when it was relaunched in the 1960s. As we will see, Thanagar has gone through several jarring continuity revisions, and in at least one possible future continui ty (Kingdom Come), it is no longer even spoken of.

This is why Thanagar cannot win against Rann. Suppose Thanagar DOES triumph. How ridiculous and hollow will that triumph be when the planet itself is wiped from existence in the next big continuity shuffle? How can a planet win a war ... if that planet NEVER EXISTED?


Who is Hawkman????? (Part One)

Hi reader, I'm Hawkman! But WHO am I really? You tell me! Am I: (1) A whacky Golden Age Earthman who fights inventive bank robbers who drive up walls; (2) A Silver Age hero with abs to die for who is actually an ALIEN from the Planet Thanagar; or (3) Some sort of Iron Man clone who points a gun menacingly at you, the reader? Just who the hell am I? Even I'm not sure I know! Sometimes, I even dream I'm a HAWK-GOD! (Pictured: Flash Comics #100 by Kubert, Hawkman #4 by Murphy Anderson, and Hawkworld #21 by Graham Nolan.)

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Golden Age Hawkman:
"What's a Thanagar?"

Here's a Hawkman page from DC's "Who's Who." Just one problem: as we mentioned above, in this Hawkman's reality, there is no Thanagar, because this Hawkman is the reincarnation of an ancient Egyptian prince who is totally human, and did NOT come from an alien world. Ask this Golden Age Hawkman who he sides with in the big Rann vs. Thanagar war, and he will likely answer, "What's a Thanagar?"


Who is Hawkman????? (Part Two)

Hawkman here again! Who am I NOW? Am I: (1) A badass fighter who crouches in dramatic lighting while waiting to kick ass; (2) A brightly-colored superhero who often falls prey to things like floating guns, etc.; or (3) A barbaric, warlike Hawk-soldier who wears a 100-pound utility belt and carries a big gun to match. Who am I? I think I'm having a breakdown. I AM A HAWK GOD! Or ... not. Damn that Rannian Continuity Bomb! (Pictured: Hawkman #2 by James Robinson; Flash Comics #91 by Bob Oskner; and Hawkworld #1 by Tim Truman.)

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Silver Age Hawkman:
"I come from peaceful, stupid Thanagar!"

I'm an Earthman, right? Wait! No! I'm the Silver Age Hawkman, an alien who hails from peaceful Thanagar. I was sent to your planet "to study Earthly Police methods," which seems to indicate that Thanagar's OWN methods are, how shall I put it... something less than advanced. OK then. YES! That 's it. I am an alien, and I come from peaceful, stupid Thanagar! I am NOT a 'Hawk-God.' Or ... am I?" Well, whatever I am ... click the pic or here for a big and beautiful version of the Joe Kubert sketch pictured left.


Who is Hawkman????? (Part Three)

Hi. Hawkman here again! But who am I this week? Am I: (1) A green and red cartoony native of earth who fights absurd villains such as "Simple Simon,"; or (2) Am I a Conan/ Wolverine clone who dresses in black, wears big, red-tinted goggles, and has a Conan-ish sword attached to one hand and Wolverine claws on the other; or am I (3) a brutal Thanagarian warrior clad in a lovely little red polyester battle jumpsuit? Who am I? WHO AM I, HAWK-GOD DAMN IT!?!?!? (Pictured: Flash Comics #53 by Moldoff; Hawkman #2 by Duursema; Hawkworld #30 by Tim Truman.)

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Hawkman: "I love Baby Ruth candy bars!"

Trying to figure out if you exist or not is hungry work. And when Hawkman gets hungry ... he reaches for a Baby Ruth candy bar. This baby gets him going! Pictured: Scene from a real, actual commercial starring Hawkman. But is it the Hawkman of Earth-1, or the Hawkman of Earth-2, or the Hawkman of Hawkworld, or ... ?!!??!


.KINGDOM COME HAWKMAN:
"I can't speak in a normal fashion!"

Alex Ross on Hawkman in "Kingdom Come":
"We strove to make him a lone figure, removed from the presence of similar Thanagarians or a Hawkgirl. Hawkman's body is that of a recent character's storyline, the Hawkgod, an extradimensional being whose physical might was the power source which fueled the famous "Nth Metal's" anti-gravity ability. Reusing this character's body (the physical appearance), his soul was supplanted with that of the original, Golden Age Hawkman (a reincarnated Egyptian, if you recall). This Hawkman cannot speak in a normal fashion and is a top member of Superman's main guard."

— Alex Ross in "Kingdom Come Revelations"

Click the pic or here for a fantastic Alex Ross pencil sketch
of the Hawk-God, scanned from "Kingdom Come Revelations"!



CONCLUSION:
Why Thanagar cannot win against Rann

The CONTINUITY BOMB has been dropped! And now -- Thanagar's champion, Hawkman can talk to birds. He also can't talk to birds. Sometimes, he can't even speak normally at all! Even if he could talk normally, or to birds, there are no birds on Thanagar, because it does not exist. Hawkman was sent here to study Earthly police methods, because Thanagar's own methods suck! That's OK though, because Thanagar still does not exist! Yet it is populated by peacefu l barbarians! Who are stupid, and also warlike!

Like all non-existant Thanagarians, Hawkman has human legs! Which are reincarnated legs! Alien legs! Egyptian legs! Thanagarian legs! Bird legs! God legs! Bird-God legs! This is because he's ... a God! An Earthman! A Thanagarian! An American! An Egyptian! A common human! A reincarnated prince! A hawk! A God! A God-Hawk! A Hawk-God! A God-like Hawk God of Other, Less Godly Hawks!

This is a planet which cannot hope to win this or any other war. Even if Thanagar did exist, and won the war with Rann, would anyone remember it or acknowledge it as official even five minutes later?

In New England, the weather is so prone to change there's an old saying: "If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes." To paraphrase this saying: 'If you don't like the current version of Thanagar -- or even its very existence -- wait five minutes."

VICTORY TO RANN!

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