MAY 12, 2005

Welcome to
Dial B for Blog

First post! My name is Robby Reed. After falling into a huge hole in the ground, I found a strange, glowing dial with alien letters inscribed on it. I am a young genius, and I spent hours decoding these letters. When I was done, I realized that some of the letters were B-L-O-G, which spells BLOG.

Was it possible? I gave it a try. I dialed B for BLOG -- and to my surprise, I was instantly transformed into this BLOG! At first I was horrified, but now I am learning to use my blogging powers for the good of mankind. Each time I "Dial B for BLOG," new, comic-related posts will appear here. Together, we explore the wonderful world of comic books! Wild! Wacky! Whozis! Whatsis! Howzis! Sockamagee!

PANEL: House of Mystery #156 by Jim Mooney

14Johnny DC: My plastic
surgery nightmare

Even with all the media attention being given to DC's new logo, we seem to have forgotten about "the children." That's right -- what about poor little DC mascot, Johnny DC? Previously, his logo/body was a nice, perfect, circular DC emblem. Now, after appearing on ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Company Mascot Edition," Johnny's body has been replaced by a hideous new, dishwashing-liquid inspired logo/body.
"The worst part of it," Johnny DC explains, "Is that I feel like I'm always falling over! I can't seem to balance any more, and I have to carry a baseball bat just to counterbalance my new logo/body. It's painful!" Send your donations to the Save Johnny DC Fund, care of Ty Pennington.

Logo-Smasher League

Sockamagee! Forget about DC's "Infinite Crisis" and Marvel's "House of M." A far deadlier menace is stalking the superheroes of BOTH companies. Blockbuster, Beta Ray Bill and Iron Man (after being brainwashed by the Mandarin's pinky ring) have joined forces to become to the Logo-Smasher League! Realizing that without their distinctive logos the superheroes cannot long survive, the L ogo-Smasher League has launched a bold plan to destroy the logo of every superhero in every reality. The multi-verse's one hope is the League's arch-enemy, Tom Strong, who has so many different cover logos (a new one almost every issue) that the League can't smash them fast enough!
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Batman #194 by Infantino/ Anderson; Thor #337 by Walter Simonson; Incredible Hulk #361 by Purves/McLeod

25Why Rann will win

Unlike the stupid Thanagarians, Rann's champion, Adam Strange, is a total genius. As Adam explains it to a leering Wonder Woman and the rest of the JLA, panel right, "I have no super powers to fight with so I have to take time out and -- THINK!" Batman nods approvingly, while Green Lantern seems to be saying, "Hmmmm. Thinking! I've got to try that some time." Aquaman is preoccupied with wondering when his book will be cancelled -- again.

Sometimes called the "Thinking Man's Super Hero," Adam Strange (and the Rannians) have fought hostile alien invaders countless times. This gives them repeated experience -- and SUCCESS -- in dealing with invasions, which Hawkman and the Thanagarians lack.

Ranagar, Rann's capital city, has fought off invasions by everything from green box-heads with vacuum cleaners to runaway robots to talking atoms. In fact, the planet is overrun by would-be conquerors every other five minutes, yet it remains free and independent!

So ignore the fog of war being created by the propaganda-masters at The Absorbascon, and look for RANN to win the Rann vs. Thanagar war.

PANEL: Mystery In Space #75 by Infantino/Anderson

28Why Thanagar will lose

Despite our friends over at The Absorbascon posting tons of pro-Thanagarian propaganda, Thanagar is going to lose the war with Rann. Why? Well, to be blunt, it's because the Thanagarians are stupid. Take Hawkman, for example, panel left. He doesn't even SEE the huge silouette of the Shadow Thief on the wall!

And later in this story, he furiously accuses Adam Strange of sabatoging his ship, and only realizes the 7Shadow Thief is to blame at the last possible moment. Whatta jerk !

As for Hawkgirl, well, she's a total airhead who just doesn't understand much. See panel right. She admits she's "slow"!

What's worse, both Hawkman and Hawkgirl been retconned and reimagined so many times they barely know their own names. And these two Mensa Society rejects are considered the best Thanagar has to offer! With "great champions" such as these, is it any wonder that Rann is destined to give Thanagar the whipping of its life? Go Rann!

PANELS FROM: Showcase #101 by Milgrom/Anderson; Mystery In Space #90 by Murphy Anderson.

Parody Covers

Radioactive Man gently mocks Iron Man's struggle to deal with Vietnam War protests on a college campus. Iron Man by Gil Kane and Mike Esposito; Radioactive Man #222 by Morrison, Kane.

Rann wins race to harness 'Sizzling' technology

Much like America's WWII-era "Manhattan Project," warring planets Rann and Thanagar have long been racing to harness the awesome power of "Sizzling" technology. As The Absorbascon points out, Thanagarian children study fractal geometry in their spare time. But the adults... not so much. Want proof? Well, they made a futile attempt to use the "Sizzling" technology to power... are you ready? SPARKLERS! I'm not making this up. See cover above, where Hawkman tries out the new "weapon." Notice how the yellow alien is actually laughing at him!

Rann, adopted planet of Adam Strange, was far more successful. R anagarian Defense Minister Sardath managed to capture a Rannian sea beast with beautiful, soulful blue eyes (sort of like Paul Newman's), and infuse its DNA with the "Sizzling" technology -- producing a beast with sizzling blue eyes! See splash page above. This two-headed monstrosity has proven to be over 1.5 million times more lethal than the Thangarian's puny sizzling sparklers. Take THAT, Thanagarians!

ART: Hawkman #2 by Murphy Anderson; Mystery In Space #62 by Infantino/Sachs

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COVERS: FF #270 by Byrne; DD #185 by Miller/Janson; Flash #174 by Infantino/Anderson; Copyright Marvel/DC Comics
Logo-Smasher League - 2

Terminus, a Big Blue Light and the Rogues have joined the Logo-Smasher League! Terminus made short work of the FF logo, the Big Blue Light caused DD's logo to crumble like dust, and, using an insidious new strategy, the Rogues actually hid in Flash's logo, waited for him to run by, then zapped him! With the Logo-Smasher League gaining new members all the time, can the superheroes hold out much longer?

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Parody Covers - 2
The DNAgents are all in a snit about someone being killed, and yet somehow, Normalman thinks it's all kinda ... funny! DNAgents #4 by Meugniot/Gordon, Normalman #222 by Valentino.

Thanagarians are stupid

Despite what The Absorbascon would have you believe, Thanagarians ARE stupid. And the entire galaxy knows it. Even Hawkman, champion of all Thanagar, knows it.

Just recently, he admitted that depite the fact that Thanagarian men are "always hungry," as Hawkgirl the simpleton points out panel right, no one on the entire planet ever "invented" how to make a simple sandwich. Despite all their "scientific know-how." A lousy SANDWICH, for God's sake!

The Thannies don't stand a chance against the well-fed Rannies, who discovered peanut the butter and jelly sandwich decades ago, and have recently perfected the use of both the EZ Bake Oven AND the George Foreman grill. When it comes to cuisine, Thanagarians are barbarians!

PANEL: The Brave and The Bold #44 by Joe Kubert

Comic Foundry:
19Neal Adams interview

The Comic Foundry features a great interview with Neal Adams, a man who singl e-handedly revolutionized comic book artwork. One of the most influential artists to ever work on comics, Adams is, as always, outspoken and controversial. When asked, "Is it bad if too many [comic book artists] replicate your style?" he pulls no punches.

"Replicating?" Adams replies, "Nobody’s replicating. Imitating! Replicating means they’re as good as I am. Well, that’s not the case because if they’re replicating, they’d just be doing what I was doing – just doing it over again ... DC Comics is reprinting my Batman, and these volumes that sell for $50 and $75. There are people that have imitated my work. They’re not reprinting their work. They may have imitated it very well, but they’re still not getting reprinting."

(This is an excerpt from part one of a two-part interview with Neal Adams. We recommend you click to The Comic Foundry and read the whole thing.)

"JSA" gets new logo
What was wrong with the old one?

Old logo left, new logo (as of JSA #73) right. It's nice, I guess, but the "S" is a bit hard to read as an "S." The eagle reminds me of the old "Blackhawk" logo. But I really don't see the need for a new logo at all. Like the headline says, what was wrong with the OLD logo?!?!

Logo-Smasher League 3
Crimson Avenger (She's back! Who cares!), Superman's evil twin, and some X-Men villainess I don't recognize have joined the Logo-Smasher League!

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8Hawkman can't open doors

I think the panel right speaks for itself. If Hawkman can't even remember how to open a simple DOOR, how is he going to lead the planet Thanagar against Rann? Thanagar may be an ecological paradise, but apparently they don't have doors. Hey Hawkman: (1) Grasp handle (2) Turn and push. How hard can it be?!?!

PANEL: The Brave and the Bold #44 by Joe Kubert

Parody Covers - 3
Amazing Spider-Man #59 by John Romita; Bartman #4 by Clements/Morrison/Groening
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